I am always on the look out for people posting ideas about coping in all its variety. I lived many years not coping. I learned from that to do nothing is an excellent way not to cope. Accepting, coping, and thriving take effort. Scott Williams writes in a way that makes sense to me. His latest post http://scott-williams.ca/2015/02/16/the-triceratops tackles the idea that we need to use our own past history to learn.
There is a profound wisdom to be found in your own story if you allow yourself to look at it in a more objective fashion. The more you can develop a third-person relationship with your past, the more you can learn. As I recently wrote about, it’s again about radical acceptance. Radical acceptance of the truth about my personal journey. ~Scott Williams
I spent many of my years not remembering my past. I was horrified to be required to delve back into that horror. I needed to look at the past to see why I acted as I did in the present. Scott ended his post with this quote:
As Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember (learn from) the past are condemned to repeat it”.
I added a comment, “Those that cannot remember their past, have no idea why they react the way the do, why they have the nightmares they have, or realize that people they are interacting are not trustworthy.” Learning my own story sucked. I didn’t want the things that happened to me to happen. Remembering, I delved into raw unprocessed painful emotion. Counseling sessions were endurance tests. I jokingly called the room where I met with my counselor the torture chamber. My own story was unfolded and examined. I was trusting people that proved repeatedly they were untrustworthy but I didn’t remember their behaviors. I didn’t remember my nightmares, I just felt terrified with no understanding of why. I would react totally irrationally, or so it seemed, since I had no reference as to why I would have extreme reactions to the smallest events. Learning and accepting my own story took years of hard work to pry it out of the locked recesses of my mind. Too much, too fast would leave me in such a debilitated state I couldn’t function. Bit by bit I pieced together my story. Scott proposes taking my story and learn from it. Radical acceptance. http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/how-to-practice-radical-acceptance
More research, more learning, more work, I see my progress and feel thankful that others are sharing with me information that is teaching me to live a life I always dreamed of joyful.
“The truth will set you free but first it will make you really miserable.” ~ James A. Garfield
One thought on “Using your story”
Learning things from past is necessary but it can be dangerous if not to have enough support from a good therapist or a great freand who wood never judge. Like you pointed out about doing it bit by bit and with a councelor. And finding a very good counceler is very hard. At least, I didn’t found one yeat. The last one was ok for some “easy” things, but when really bad things had happen to me shereally let me down with her absolutely not to the point snap judgments. So, for the moment, I’ll be just greatful for having a great friend and better have none then not good enogh therapist.