Ho Ho No

Do you want to ________? No.

Will you _____________? No.

You have to __________? No.

My counselor struggled to get me to recognize I have choices.  I kept saying, “I have to – “, “They make me -“, I truly believed I didn’t have a choice.  He tried and tried to get me to see that No was an option and a complete sentence.  I did not get it.  Finally, he asked bluntly, “Who’s holding a gun to your head?” What?  This was my counselor talking to me.  I looked around me and sure enough no gun was being held to my head. I started to see that No is an option and a complete sentence. Zig Ziglar shared an interesting article about why saying no is actually a positive thing.


(Yes, I like Zig Ziglzar and believe like he does that we need motivation daily.)

Holidays are especially hard for me.  I wanted to do all the fun stuff and all the expectations and make a perfect Christmas day.  Made myself miserable at the attempt.  My mother shared a poem that I remembered:

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy.
Mother is happy about Christmas.
Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time.
Funny, funny Mother.
See Mother. See Mother smile. Mother is happy.
The shopping is all done. See the children watch TV.
Watch, children watch.
See the children change their minds.
See them ask for different toys.
Look, look, Mother is not smiling.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother sew.
Mother will make dresses.
Mother will make robes.
Mother will make shirts.

See Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sew the dress on the wrong side.
See Mother cut the skirt too short.
See Mother put the material away until January.
Look. Look. See Mother take a tranquilizer.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts.
See Mother buy candied pineapple and powdered sugar.
See Mother buy flour, and dates, and pecans, and brown sugar, and bananas, and spices, and vanilla.
Look. Look. Mother is mixing everything together.
See the children press out cookies.
See the flour on their elbows.
See the cookies burn. See the cake fall.
See the children pull taffy. See mother pull her hair.
See mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose.
Funny, funny Mother.

See Mother. See Mother wrap presents. See Mother look for the end on the scotch tape roll. See Mother bite her finger nails. See Mother go.
See Mother go to the store 12 times in one hour.
Go Mother go. See Mother go faster. Run Mother run.
See Mother trim the tree.
See Mother have a party.
See Mother make popcorn.
See Mother wash the walls.
See Mother scrub the rug.
See Mother tear up the organized plan.
See Mother forget gift for Uncle Harold.
See Mother get hives.
Go Mother go. See the far away look in Mother’s eyes.
Mother has become disorganized. Mother has become disoriented.
Funny, funny Mother.

It is finally Christmas morning. See the happy family.
See Father smile. Father is happy.
Smile Father smile.
Father loves fruit cake.
Father loves Christmas pudding.
Father loves all the new neckties.
Look, look. See the happy children. See the children’s toys.
Santa was very good to the children.
The children will remember this Christmas.

See Mother. Mother is slumped in a chair.
Mother is crying uncontrollably.
Mother does not look well.
Mother has ugly dark circles under her blood shot eyes.
Everyone helps mother to her bed.
See Mother sleep quietly under heavy sedation.
See Mother smile.
Funny, funny Mother.




3 thoughts on “Ho Ho No

  1. Saying no can be so hard for us. We are people pleasers and are trying to work on changing that. I think the abuse made us that way. Now to just try to change patterns…not easy but definitely necessary. XX

  2. Pingback: No is a full sentence | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

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