Skills to learn

Before I started counseling I learned that to change your actions you need to change your thoughts.  I intellectually got it but something seemed missing.  I didn’t realize the thing missing was my own connection to my emotions.  Counseling shed light into the dark parts of my mind and helped me start to connect my…

Holidays arrive the same time

Have you ever noticed that the Holiday’s arrive at the same time? The drama remains the same from year to year? The unreasonable expectations also don’t change?  I have several posts about holidays that I reuse over and over because the same stuff happens.  There is some good news.  This year one of my big…

Self-protection

I am responsible for protecting myself.  Too long I waited for my mother, my father, my husband, someone to protect me…..I waited……..and waited.  Then I started counseling.  Maybe the counselor would protect me?  Nope.  He informed me that he would teach me how to protect myself. NO That’s it.  One word, no explanation needed.  I…

No is….

A complete sentence.  My counselor worked with me over and over and over and over, no, I didn’t get it until he had me practice repeatedly.  I kept giving huge humongous explanations as to why I was saying no….or more likely I didn’t say no, I attempted the impossible and failed, a lot. Which brings…

Plan ahead

PTSD symptoms rise around the holidays.  For some people this time of year is like walking through a minefield of triggers.  On my other blog I shared some tips for coping through the Holidays…. This is a reprint from 2014 – information still applies: I added to my list It comes every year, like clock…

Sometimes the answer is NO

I put off this question because it is staring me in the face right now….. “Couldn’t we at least…?” This is the question to ask that will enable you to get unstuck, as they say. It’s what enables you to get past disagreement to some consensus, as in couldn’t we at least agree that we…

Still in it

One of the hard things about being raised by a person the violates your boundaries on a daily basis is that you don’t realize when someone else is doing the same thing since it is what you are used to having happen.  Thanks to Jonsi and other internet friends I  became more aware.  In counseling,…

Blaming Christmas

It is easy to blame Christmas for the stress, frustration, melt downs, depression and other negativity around the season.  However, if you look at it from the perspective that December 25 is a day like any other day it starts to become clear that it is not the day itself; our own expectations of the…

Ho Ho No

Do you want to ________? No. Will you _____________? No. You have to __________? No. My counselor struggled to get me to recognize I have choices.  I kept saying, “I have to – “, “They make me -“, I truly believed I didn’t have a choice.  He tried and tried to get me to see…