No is a full sentence

I felt a need to write again about No is a full sentence.  My counselor spent weeks trying to help me wrap my mind around this concept.  I’ve written about this before…last year about this time.  https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2015/12/02/ho-ho-no/

I was trained with the concept that it is impolite to say no.  If I did say no I better have a really good explanation why I would dare to say no.  If I ever said no it was always followed by an elaborate explanation with charts and diagrams and a load of guilt that I audaciously said no. No is a full complete answer, no explanation required.  Often I still choose to soften the no answer because many people consider ‘no’ a rude answer.  If I like the person, I may refuse with “No, I have another commitment.”  I don’t need to explain that commitment is with a cup of hot chocolate and a book to read.  I am recognizing that I need lots of time on my own.  I am learning that my busy little brain can think up more things to do in 5 minutes than I can possibly accomplish in 5 years.  I also accept that parties, big events, and many festivities puts me into input overload.  Too much is coming at me too fast for me to process.  Before counseling, I handled these type of situations much better than I do now.  Before counseling, I was totally unaware of my own needs.  I suffered consequences and blamed myself for not being organized enough, social enough or good enough to cope with all the demands of the holidays.  Plus I really enjoy doing a long of the holiday activities.  I love decorating the tree, hanging lights, looking at the big light shows, baking cookies, making gingerbread houses.  I could spend hours and hours and hours running around doing Christmas stuff but I know my body can’t keep up with what my mind takes a notion of doing.  No  will be very needed this year.  My stomach decided to act up now….couldn’t wait until January 1….nope, now.  The up side, now I have a built in No I am in recovery…..maybe next year.  (I still think I want to do gingerbread houses this year.)

rm4_1027

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