I learned over 15 years ago that I lived with PTSD since I was 5 years old.  No one recognized the symptoms.  I always acted that way.  The diagnosis gave me a word to research.  Parameters for finding more answers.  Also a community of others that shared an experience almost impossible to describe to someone else.  However, the more I learned from this community the more frustrated I became.  There were those that wanted to go back before the bad things in their life.  They wanted to be who they were and not accept who they are now.  I don’t know before.  I don’t have something to go back to.  I only remember PTSD.  I believe this looking over their shoulder trying to go back before the storm impedes their ability to move forward.  I did have many years of forgetting.  I spent years in the dark about my own past.  It was difficult facing who I was and the experiences that made me the way I am.  A large portion of my first 7 years of counseling was centered on me accepting myself where I am right now.  I was also taught that where I am is a place to start not my destination.  I am facing another upheaval at work.  But unlike other times, this time I feel like, “Hey, I got this. I don’t have to like it but it won’t destroy me either.”



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