I’ve heard it over and over and over. The cancer could have been worse, the nightmares could have been worse, my childhood could have been worse. That’s true. Here are a few things I do to myself that make things worse.
Self-neglect. I’m home writing this post because I neglected my health and now I am sick. Sucks to be me. But self-neglect is often a part of PTSD. Not doing the things I know work. Not eating properly when I have good food in the house. Not sleeping. Not using the techniques that I know work. The ways I self-neglect vary depending on my mood.
Guilt Trip. If self-neglect isn’t lousy enough I can always send myself on a guilt trip. Training started young. The pedophile told me if I had been good awful things wouldn’t happen to me. Since terrible things were happening it was my fault. Not hard to convince a child that it is their fault. Sadder still grow up to an adult conditioned to accept blame. Even when I have nothing to do with a situation, I take responsibility if I knew about it.
Survivor’s Guilt. Why did I survive and not _________? For me that blank could be refilled at least 7 times. After 9/11 collapse of the 2 towers, many survivors questioned, “Why did I survive and not the person next to me?” Some days the pain is excruciating. Then I work 10 times harder…hoping to feel like I deserved to live.
Yes, it can always be worse if you throw your paddle into Shit Creek.