I’ve heard it over and over and over.  The cancer could have been worse, the nightmares could have been worse, my childhood could have been worse.  That’s true.  Here are a few things I do to myself that make things worse.

Self-neglect.  I’m home writing this post because I neglected my health and now I am sick.  Sucks to be me.  But self-neglect is often a part of PTSD.  Not doing the things I know work.  Not eating properly when I have good food in the house.  Not sleeping.  Not using the techniques that I know work.  The ways I self-neglect vary depending on my mood.

Guilt Trip. If self-neglect isn’t lousy enough I can always send myself on a guilt trip.  Training started young.  The pedophile told me if I had been good awful things wouldn’t happen to me.  Since terrible things were happening it was my fault.  Not hard to convince a child that it is their fault.  Sadder still grow up to an adult conditioned to accept blame.  Even when I have nothing to do with a situation, I take responsibility if I knew about it.

Survivor’s Guilt.  Why did I survive and not _________?  For me that blank could be refilled at least 7 times.  After 9/11 collapse of the 2 towers, many survivors questioned, “Why did I survive and not the person next to me?” Some days the pain is excruciating.  Then I work 10 times harder…hoping to feel like I deserved to live.

Yes, it can always be worse if you throw your paddle into Shit Creek.