“Stop complaining,” I heard this when I would speak up about how I was being treated. Bullies use this injunction to shut up their victims.
Dictionary definition for complaint- http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/complaint?s=t
an expression of discontent, regret, pain, censure, resentment, or grief; lament; faultfinding:his complaint about poor schools.
Expressing why I am uncomfortable is one of the major steps to resolving an issue. The steps toward change begins with first identifying what the problem is. Feelings of discomfort are a clue that something isn’t healthy. My body expresses this with pain. My emotions express it with feelings of discomfort, uneasy, anxiety and other twinges telling me that not is all well with me. I decided to work out the difference between effective and ineffective complaints. An effective complaint leads to the next steps of looking for and finding a solution to the discomfort. Hopefully with planning and effort finding a healthy place for myself. An example of ineffective complaining is to identify the discomfort of being over weight then buying a chocolate cake and doing my best to consume the whole thing. I believe it is important to speak up and express my opinion when I feel my boundaries are violated. I need to speak up when someone is treating me disrespectfully. It is my responsibility to protect my boundaries and tell someone that what they are doing to me is not acceptable. Stating there is a problem and doing nothing about it is complaining. Stating a problem and find a solution or working towards a solution is defining a problem. Only I can decided which I am doing. I learned if someone else tells me to stop complaining, I go into full alert for boundary violations. Quiet often I find them. Yup, bullies like to point out that their victim is complaining when the person is actually standing up to them to protect their boundaries.