I’m not sure I am ready….yet, this was what I did in my 10 years of counseling. Embraced one trigger, fear, incident, memory at a time, even if they tried to crowd forward all at once my counselor would help me focus on a bit a time.
I read this article that set me thinking all day about this. At first, I denied that I am embracing my triggers. I read the article several times, until I admitted that I do embrace/sit with/explore the emotions attached to various memories or triggers.
Before counseling, I spent many years ignoring, repressing, disbelieving, or forgetting my own life. I moved on or tried to. The problem that exists is ignoring the chains from my past. Reactions to triggers tying me to the very past I forgot. I didn’t remember. I moved on but I lived a half life. I didn’t know what was wrong, why I was depressed, why certain things startled me so badly. I moved on but was still tied to a past I couldn’t remember. Counseling helped me to peal back the layers I placed over my own memories. The article use the example of a car wreck. If I broke my leg in a car wreck, no one would tell me to forget about and just go on with living. In away, my gash and broken healed unattended so the leg was crooked and the wound infected. Counseling tore open the covering of forgetfulness. Same as a doctor needing to reopen and infected wound. I read some responses that sneer at the idea that talking about an event can help. I agree, saying the event doesn’t stop the suffering. What helped was acknowledging it happened. Then I discussed ways that as an adult I could approach the same situation in a healthier way. I need things like boundaries, no, choice and accountability to be reexamined and relearned from a new perspective. My counselor described the process in house terms of tearing out my entire rotted foundation of blame/shame/forget-about-it. I worked long and hard at changing. I am still a work in progress. I don’t recommend this article to anyone and everyone. Depending your place in healing this may make sense or seem like a strange way to behave.
Froglogic would call this “Embracing the Suck.” Facing our fears and exploring why do they exist. One of the draw backs of forgetting everything was placing myself back in the way of danger because I didn’t remember the situation was dangerous. Embracing triggers/the-suck allows me to own my feelings. Allows me to take charge of my life. Empowers me to change what I do with my life. I am a work in progress but I am learning to know who I am and trust myself.