Sometimes you have to walk away. People will question you, doubt you, suggest ways you could change the situation but the bottom line, sometimes you walk away. CPTSD/PTSD sometimes occurs due to abuse or ongoing abuse by someone close to us. Hardest thing to do is to walk away when you wish you could stay. This is the voice of a person that expresses his take on what can happen. Thanks Josh for sharing your views. Sometimes the hardest thing to realize is that you are out of options except walking away. Denial and grief each take a part in this change. For some people, walking away is the best day of their life. For others, they will mourn a person while they are still living. Mourning what could have been is not a weakness, in my opinion. It is a valid acknowledgement of wishing things were different.
As many of you know, every so often I like to post a long, rambling diatribe about some topic that has been on my mind. Today’s topic: Abuse
Often times when we think of abuse, we think of some pretty specific things. There are many instances where the abuse is more subtle and insidious but just as harmful although less readily apparent than those things that jump readily to mind. Abuse is not necessarily a single incident. It is a pattern of behavior and NO ONE should have to be subjected to it. Ever. For any reason. I firmly believe that no one is under any obligation to keep an abuser in their life, regardless of circumstance.
If you are a victim of abuse, take courage. You are not a bad person and you absolutely do not deserve the abuse. Seek help. Take appropriate, nonviolent, non abusive steps to stop it or if necessary escape it.
If you think that there is even a chance that you might be an abuser, please take an HONEST look at your conduct and seek help. You have likely been a victim of some form of abuse yourself and are continuing the cycle. Don’t. Be the one to break it. You can. You will almost certainly need help to do so, but you can do it. I have had the misfortune of seeing good people who after suffering abuse, either due to the trauma of their own abuse or in their zeal to avoid future victimization become abusers themselves. Don’t do this.
If someone you care about shares with you what sounds like being subjected to abuse, don’t advocate that they stay in the situation. In doing so you are in danger of perpetuating the idea that under the right circumstances, abuse is ok. If someone you care about has had the courage to escape abuse, be loving. Be nuturing and supportive. Be sure to not negatively judge them for escaping. It was likely one of the most difficult decisions the victim ever made. In many cases, this abuse takes place within the most intimate of relationships, where the victim still cares for the abuser in spite of everything. The courage it took for them to escape is immense and they need to know that it was a good choice, not a questionable one. You can swiftly kill a barely begun recovery from abuse by causing the victim to feel ashamed or uncertain about their decision to leave. Be careful with the influence you wield.
This has been on my mind for a while in case you couldn’t tell.