I learned a new term today. I follow Awareness of childhood sexual abuse on Facebook. Today she shared this term used years ago, Field spells. Now that I know what they are called, I’ve done this. I have gone out to an old abandoned field and cried and prayed and poured out my broken heart. I miss having a huge open field close to my house. If I were to do this outside at my house now, someone would call the police.
I was talking to my aunt recently, my mom’s sister just trying to understand family history more. Trying to heal by understanding and honoring that generations of people have lived this in myriad ways with these same issues and they had no one to help then. Therapy and social media were not an option and back then you had to deal with it and keep going. You had no choice. She told me a story about my great-great grandmother and how when they were out working the farm sometimes Nana would suddenly and inexplicably just go kind of crazy. They were out taking care of animals or baling hay or whatever and Nana’s mood would just flip to dark and she would sit and cry or start yelling at people or throw clumps of grass around or whatever. All the adults would just say, ” Nana is having a field spell again.” Then they would leave her in the field and let her work through it. Whatever it was. My aunt said she used to sit there with her sometimes as a kid and there were times she would just cry or complain or sometimes do nothing. Just sit and stare at the clouds.Field spells I think are common for many of us still as our moods go from high to low or as we feel anger or sadness or all of the many emotions that are entangled in this mess. I have told a couple of friends this story and now field spell is an honest to God term we use when we are having a moment. It has gotten to the point where if I’m being a bit irrational my 15 year old just looks at me and says, “Field spell?” And I can just say yes, I think so and he nods knowingly. This post is dedicated to #fieldspells otherwise known as feelings. Something my great -great grandmother didn’t have a chance to express properly and for all of us that know very well what it is like to have one. Next time you feel like having a moment of frustration or anger or sadness, let it out. Everyone has the right to have field spells now and again and not be told they are crazy for doing so.We are not honoring those that came before us if we don’t and we are absolutely not helping future victims by denying anyone the right to validate their pain.