Grief and happiness coexists

Dissociation from my emotions is a symptom of PTSD/CPTSD.  I was numb.  I didn’t feel pain but I didn’t feel happiness either.  I was so completely detached from my feelings that I couldn’t tell you at any given moment what I felt.  I knew I had feelings….sometimes I was happy and sometimes I felt bone…

Smiling depression

The title of the article caught my attention right away, which it is supposed to do. 15 Things Only People With ‘Smiling Depression’ Understand I remember talking to my first counselor and complaining that my doctor told me I was depressed and didn’t know it.  He smiled and gently asked, “Do you ever feel angry…

Draining the Lake

I entered counseling with the idea of getting marriage counseling.  After years of raising kids I felt like there was this stranger in my house that I was married to.  I was in for a real shock when after 2 months the counselor explained that my reactions to the homework assignments were not what he…

Permission to feel

Interesting how Lilly needs to write again about feeling all feelings including peaceful ones.  For me I needed permission to feel angry, sad, and all the ‘negative’ emotions.  Without the ‘negative’ emotions, I did not recognize feeling peace when it did come.  It got smothered along with all the other emotions.  My first counselor recognized…

Are you kidding me?

Please read that title with a ton of sarcasm.  Has anyone made a sarcasm font yet? Self-care #12 Healthy eating and sleeping. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/   Judy’s perspective is here:  https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/11/16/self-care-12-of-25/ I agree with Judy, we both wrote earlier blogs about eating habits or lack of good ones.  Mine is written here:  https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2018/01/17/eat-your-vegetables/ Healthy sleeping, those two…

Feelings?

I wasn’t allowed to have feelings or they were purposely and maliciously twisted for the purposes of my abusers.  Stop the feelings – stop my abusers controlling me.   This brings me to self care #5 Allowing myself to feel all emotions – joy and anger are the most difficult for me. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/   Judy’s…