Unproductive Blues

In today’s fast paced World, people treat you like a criminal if you have an unproductive day.  Epitaphs such as lazy, slug, bum, and other cruel name calling come your way.  Here’s the deal, I would love to be productive but my get up and go, got up and went without me.  I remember as a child being punished for being bored or doing nothing.  I felt like I had to Go, Go, GOOOOOO!  I could do it for awhile.  Then my body would collapse completely.  I would rush, rush, rush then collapse.  On the bad days, I called myself those horrid names.  I wouldn’t tolerate a day off ever.  No boss could get away with treating me the way I treated me.  My counselor encouraged me to fire my Mean nasty boss AKA me.  When I had cancer, I was encouraged to rest, take care of myself, do nothing…..oh no, not me, I had to go, go, go.  Years in bed did not teach me the value of truly allowing myself to rest and recuperate.  PTSD is tough on your body and mind.  Some days being unproductive is the best thing for me.  Some days I have no choice.  This is a great article that I read on It’s OK for Feel Unproductive:

Depression, anxiety and stress can literally suck the life out of you. Your motivation, energy and general lust for life diminishes, so do not punish yourself for not getting back on your feet in an instant — it’s going to take some time to get back into the swing of things.

The entire article gives me permission to slow down a bit.  Will I do that?  I don’t know.  I do know that my body will take a break for me if I don’t choose a time to rest.  Getting back on my feet needs to be done in baby steps.  Small achievements are awesome.  I still remember the profound scene in the movie “The Other Side of the Mountain.”  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073496/  After a terrible ski accident Jill struggles to heal.  Her big achievement was to pick up a single potato chip.  Some days living with PTSD it is a huge feat to get out of bed or get dressed or brush my hair.  I don’t need to beat myself up on top of what is already happening to me.  I don’t need to be a mean boss that doesn’t give me a break when I am down.  Taking care of myself begins with me and sometimes getting out of bed is the best I can do then great because some days getting out of bed just doesn’t happen.

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