Sorry for saying sorry

My adult children scolded me for always apologizing, yes, I said I was sorry for saying sorry all the time.  As a child I was blamed for making people angry, for anything bad happening, and a child does think the world revolves around them so therefore they should apologize for bad things happening.  In divorce families they discovered through interviews that a huge majority of the children in the families felt it was their fault the family fell apart.  However, an adult recognizes the short comings of others and realize everything is not their fault.  An abused child grows up to be an adult that is forever apologizing even when it is clearly not their fault.

23. “Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, which makes things like school, dating and applying to jobs really hard.”

My counselor helped me change this.  He taught me to look at situations from all different angles.  If I did make a mistake or a poor choice, I did need to apologize.  However, I do not need to apologize when someone else is a jerk.  It was stunning to look back at past events and recognize that I was not to blame for most of the garbage I was blamed for.  The meme that sticks out in my mind for this situation, “I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I’m going to blame you.”  Humans are quick to blame someone else, children, scapegoats, and victims are easy targets.  Standing up for myself stopped the constant apologies.  I still say I am sorry for my part in a snafu but I no longer take blanket blame for all bad things in the World.  My progress is great on this one.

From Shirt a Day


One thought on “Sorry for saying sorry

  1. Pingback: 23 of 25 Things | The Project: Me by Judy

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