Mind over Matter

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.  Seriously, I learned this doing dishes.

16. Not feeling like I’m a bad mom/housekeeper etc while I struggle with chronic pain and health issues.

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

Judy shares her views on self-care challenge #16: https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/self-care-16-of-25/

My health problems started when I was 15 years old.  I passed out at school.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I passed out more often, I told but my parents; they didn’t believe me until I collapsed in the dinning room after driving home.  Doctors blew me off saying I was a teenager and probably not eating or sleeping right.  For the next 11 years I heard one excuse after another.  Finally I passed out driving and wrecked our van.  I went through every medical test imaginable and the results came back that there was nothing physically wrong with me.  I challenged my doctor, “If it is all in my head, why do I hurt so much?”  Well I can explain why now but that does not get me to the dishes story.  PTSD undiagnosed and treated like a medical problem only escalates and tears the body and mind to bits.  By the time I was 32 years old I could be up for 15 minutes a day.  I was talking to an acquaintance that had just gone through breast cancer.  She scolded me and told me cleaning my house was just mind over matter.  If I put my mind to it, I could get things done.  After I conversation I went home and decided I would put the dishes away.  The dishes were already washed, I was going to put them away.  Half way through my body collapsed and I sat on the kitchen floor until my school kids came home two hours later.  My 11 year old son took one look at me and said, “Mom, go back to bed.”  I crawled back to bed.  That is how I learned, If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.  I still get criticized for my lack of housekeeping skills, I tried Flylady.net and learned that most people care a whole lot more than I do.  The spoon theory helped me understand my energy levels or lack of them.  https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2014/09/20/the-spoon-theory/

How did I stop feeling bad about not accomplishing things I wish I could do?  Acceptance.  Accepting that I have X amount of energy and there are many things more important than the housecleaning that I want to do.  I stopped measuring myself by how much I checked off on a too do list each day.  I no longer compare myself to what someone else can do or accomplish.  I re-prioritized my life goals and I guarantee you my role as housekeeper is way down the list much to the dismay of my sweet DH.  I also accept that I still feel frustrated and down on myself when I can accomplish the simplest thing like doing the dishes.  I remind myself, “Mind over matter – If I don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

 

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