24 hours later

Interesting how sitting with your emotions for 24 hours can help them each have a turn center stage.  It sucked getting news about my mother’s death on facebook….the reality is my phone isn’t working well.  I put it on the charger and left to go shopping.  I was literally out of contact from any family.  My husband was sleeping.  He’s been sick and I appreciate that he was able to sleep.  My parents have lived in this area all my life.  They are well known.  I’m thankful someone else is fielding all the questions and inquiries.  What this did show me is that my feelings are fully functional and I am calm about my mother’s death.  She was sick and getting sicker.  She was on oxygen for the last week.  I went no contact a year ago.  I finally accepted that I could not have a relationship with my mother if she wasn’t willing to get past her fears.  I feel sad for her that her fears drove her to harm both of her daughters.  Instead of having the rich and connected relationship she chose fear time and time again.  First my sister and then me tackled a fear based life head on through counseling.  We both changed.  Mother could not accept our refusal to mire our lives in her obsessive fears.  She controlled us as children through fear.  When we chose healthy and a truth/courage based life she could no longer interact with us because we refused to engage in her fear based life.  I am at peace and pray that my mother is finally at peace too.  I am thankful to my sister and her ongoing support in changing our lives and becoming the people God intended us to be.

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