My sister and I walk and talk almost every Saturday. We end the walk with breakfast at P.Croissant. (Really yummy and soy free!) We share with each other our week. We live very different lives but we share history and understand each other. We chat about the things we write in posts, how events effect us, and suggest ways to handle situations. It is interesting to me that is easier to see what is happening when you are not in the middle of stuff. I think it falls into the Mote and Beam category. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A3-5&version=KJV This week I shared my speech “Love Letters from God” A women jumped up and walked out telling the group of women that her view of God was a vengeful god. Why did this bug me? Judy pointed out that the woman made my speech all about her, just like mother used to do to me. My accomplishments, activities, and challenges were hijacked by mother and she always made it about her. Rather than hearing what I had to say, everyone was keyed into this woman that if she disagreed with me could have quietly walked out, sat quietly or not come to the church in the first place if she hated God so much. I finished talking then promptly went to the bathroom where if I threw up, it could land in the toilet. Judy restored my understanding that my message that God loves me is valid and the woman’s behavior was a grab to make it all about her.
I learned a few things that my counselor tried to tell me that I didn’t get. Being miserable is easy and for many people preferred over the work it takes to heal. That is right. Healing takes work. It takes a core belief of “I don’t want to stay were I am and I am willing to do the work to get out of this hole.” Healing is not easy. First, I had to recognize what was damaged. Then I needed to talk about it….did that for years in counseling. Next came radical acceptance that crap happened to me, now what? Then the change, I needed to change. Mark Twain hit it right when he stated, “If you always do what you always done then you always get what you always got.” Change is not comfortable. It takes effort. Staying in the rut of misery is easy. Feels lousy but it is easy. I was deeply offended when my counselor pointed out I was choosing misery. Now, I know what he means. I didn’t choose what happened to me but I do choose whether or not I stay where I am at or let it define me.
Love Letters from God – a few of mine: