Bleeding

This may be highly triggering for some people.  Proceed with caution. I wrote this early in my counseling. I was attempting to get across to my counselor the struggles I was having with emotional distress.

I’m bleeding
I go to my parents –
I’m bleeding.
Oh honey I’m sorry to hear that, here’s a little band aid.
But I’m bleeding a lot.
You are just like everybody else.
Everyone bleeds?
Yes, everyone. Grow up.
But I talked to other people, and they don’t say that they are bleeding.
Ignore it.
But i’m bleeding.

I go to a doctor –
I’m bleeding.
Let me take your temperature
But I’m bleeding.
Let me run some test –
But i’m bleeding.
There is nothing wrong with you
But i’m bleeding.
It is all in your head I’m bleeding all in my head?
How do I stop the bleeding?
I can’t help you.
But i’m bleeding.

I go to Church –
I’m bleeding.
Everybody bleeds we have the perfect answer for you.
You can stop the bleeding?
Christ can stop the bleeding, If you have enough faith.
But I’m still bleeding.
Did you pray?
Yes, I’m still bleeding.
Did you read your scriptures?
Yes, I’m still bleeding.
Did you go to church?
Yes, I’m still bleeding.
You must not have enough faith.
How can you expect the blood to stop,
If you don’t have enough faith?
But i’m bleeding

I go to counseling –
I’m bleeding.
You are bleeding. You are a mess.
But i’m still bleeding.
I can teach you how to stop it.
The bleeding can be stopped? Why hasn’t anybody told me this before?
First let’s find out how much you are bleeding?
You can see i’m bleeding? No one else could see I was bleeding.
3 degrees and 30 years of experience I can see you are bleeding.
Why do I feel better just because you can see i’m bleeding?
Study this book.
I’m bleeding.
Yes, you are.
See this movie.
I’m bleeding a lot.
Yes, you are.
Read this book.
I’m not just bleeding,
 I’m hemorrhaging.
Yes you are. Did you read the book?
Yes, but I don’t understand. I’m still bleeding.
That’s OK. You have been hemorrhaging for a long time you have a lot to learn about stopping bleeding. You can do this.
I can learn to stop the bleeding?
Yes.
OK teach me.
You will still bleed sometimes but not as much.
OK teach me
You will stumble sometimes.
OK teach me.

I will learn.

~ Ruth Mower

Bleeding

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4 thoughts on “Bleeding

  1. Pingback: Inner Battles…. | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

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