Change the question

I asked for years what was wrong with me.  No answers….I asked my parents and my doctor.  Nothing.  Medical test showed I was healthy….then why did I pass out?  My parents told me I was like every other teenager.  I talked to other teenagers and they didn’t react like I did.  I learned two things about asking questions.  I needed to change the question and I needed to change who I asked.  I started counseling and my question was “How do I communicate with other people?”  Right person, wrong question.  My counselor was the one I needed to ask, “What is wrong with me?”  He told me a bit at time.  When we finally started working on this question it took 6 months to get to the core issues.  He would ask me questions  about my past and I would answer I don’t know because I couldn’t remember it.   He would have me read other people’s experience then watch how I responded to someone else being hurt.  Questions brought answers that brought new questions each one digging deeper.  Changing the question changed where I went with counseling.

The question, ‘how much our you sleeping?’ changed to ‘why are you afraid to sleep?’  Answering the second question revealed more about what troubles me.

The question, ‘what do you remember?’ changed to ‘what do you feel?’  Question after question after question was tested changed and pushed into the dark recesses of my mind.

I learned a pattern of asking questions, exploring answers, changing questions and finding new answers.  Some questions took years to answer.   My teenage question “What was wrong with me?” my counselor replied, “You were raised in insanity and you learned to adapt.  It is time to stop adapting to insanity and learning to live.”

Ask questions.  If you don’t get answers change who you ask or what your question is.

 

James Ryan gave an interesting example of asking the wrong question trying to get the right answer.

But without asking the right question, I couldn’t hope to get the right answer. ~James Ryan

https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/16/05/good-questions

 

 

 

 

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