I finished Pavelka’s toolbox I have additional tools beyond the ones he mentions. My counselor worked at making sure I have a well stocked toolbox for how to handle different situations. I learned not to use a sledge hammer when a ball ping hammer will do. I still use some of my heavy duty arsenal, comes in handy from time to time. What my first counselor encouraged me to do was become aware of all the different tools I have available to build better relationships, shore up boundaries, and think creatively learning new ways to take care of myself. I cannot change my past but I am able to take care of myself in ways that was never done for me. I am living proof that a person is never too old to finally love yourself.