I am fascinated that the last item on Pavelka’s toolbox is understanding fear. My counselor spent many, many sessions on this one subject. He explained to me that I lived a fear based life. I made decisions not on what I wanted but what I was afraid would happen if I didn’t take a certain course of action. If I identify the actual problem than I can tackle my life from a Proactive instead of a Reactive way of living. Pavelka’s words are from a person that is comfortable with his challenges and success.
We all experience fear in our lives and we always will. BUT we must remember that we will handle things that come our way – we always have.
I did not handle things that came my way. I spiraled down into a deep dark hole terrified of everything that was there or not. I knew from my experience there are situations that I failed miserably. I didn’t know how to handle anything, I hid. I hid from myself and others in a complex array of dodging and weaving that would make any boxer proud but I never threw a punch. I jumped at everything and anything. I was sucked down the well of have-to, got-to and should. Make a choice of my own free will and choice was rare. He took years teaching me how to walk out of the shadowy fear based life and tackle the world around me. Fearfully passive to assertive is a total rebuild on how I approach life. I still tend to slip backwards but I know the steps I need to make to move forward again. One step forward and two back are a nice start to a Cha Cha. I am learning Pavelka’s assertion ‘that we will handle things that come our way’ even if I haven’t in the past. The whole purpose of counseling was to change how I approached living and learn useful tools to help me in the future. I was taught to build my own toolbox and continue to search for helpful tools to help me live the life I never dreamed possible.
Resource if you are interested in learning more about Fear. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427