Ever noticed that the people making the changes in the world are unhappy, angry, discontented, and the whole list of negative emotions are the ones that create the changes. Advertising companies spend billions of dollars trying to persuade people that they cannot be happy until they do___________, buy __________ or become _____________. Yes I left them blank because they attack different interest and needs to be able to get you to buy whatever they are selling. No child in the world needs a hula hoop but 25 million hula hoops sold tells us that someone convinced us other wise. https://wonderopolis.org/wonder/who-invented-the-hula-hoop. One kid tells another kid doesn’t say much but the advent of television in every home with pictures of happy kids wiggling their bodies to keep the hula hoop spinning sold them, lots of them. Were the kids any happier? I don’t know but I liked mine and I got fairly good with it. But soon the round plastic tube sat in a corner while I pursued my next happy thing. Happy people keep doing the things that make them happy, no need to change.
I learned that people change for several reasons: discomfort, unmet needs, frustration, and boredom. Counselors rarely get happy people in their offices. The people seeking change are the ones that feel the need for something different. I know this sounds basic but it was one of the many things my counselor needed to spell out for me. When I started counseling it was marriage counseling. The irritant was my DH (Darling Husband). I didn’t want to divorce him but I needed him to change and make our lives more comfortable. May I make a note here: Do not go into counseling expecting to change the other person. You are heading into a vortex and you will be at the center, not someone else. The only person you can change is yourself. That’s it, no one else, nada, zilch… My first counselor called himself a coach and taught me the SKILLS, techniques, and problem solving that I should have learned as a teenager but didn’t. I say, “Never too late to start.” Dr. Banks taught me this in his speech. It may take 10 years to change….how old will you be in ten years if you don’t change? Dr. Murray Banks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyOl0-qbDSU part 1. Worth following the other parts. I spent hours listening to his speech back in the 1980’s. It was quite the speech and still available on line. One of the basics in counseling, the person I can change is myself. That’s it. If you are unhappy, frustrated and ready for change, you can make a difference in your life.