Sometimes the answer is NO

I put off this question because it is staring me in the face right now….. “Couldn’t we at least…?” This is the question to ask that will enable you to get unstuck, as they say. It’s what enables you to get past disagreement to some consensus, as in couldn’t we at least agree that we…

Triangulation

This technique in keeping a victim confused and down is sometimes called ‘bringing out the flying monkeys.’ (Wizard of OZ reference… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SESI19h4wDo ) When an abuser can’t put you down themselves, they enlist others to do their bidding.  Or if they can’t win an argument they will bring in a third party person to ‘gang up’…

Last Straw

People seem to expect that the final reason a person leaves a relationship is something big.  Sometimes this is true.  However, many times it is a matter of ‘the last straw that broke the camels back.’  The term refers to the piling on and piling on of events or behaviors that put so much stain…

Who decides hurt?

I enjoy Facebook pages that post stuff that encourages, makes me think, and agrees with me.     The reverse is also true.  If I tell someone they hurt me, they don’t get to decide that they didn’t. One of the important things that I learned in counseling was I decide what hurts me.  As…

Backing off

I backed off from all things computer.  I am refocusing on family, friends and sanity.  My friend let me review the mess I tumble into.  It wasn’t actually my mess but choices of others affected me in a negative way.  Work went from mildly stressful to job hunting to didn’t want to get out of…

Rude and mean need correcting

Just because someone is Rude or Mean it doesn’t mean the behavior should be ignored.  The earlier post defines bullying as malicious acts carried out intentionally over time.  If a person is accidentally rude, bringing it to their attention helps them understand that what they are doing is not ok.  If they do it again,…

Unexpected Side Effect

Cloud and Townsend, in their book Boundaries, reminded me one of the unexpected side effects of setting boundaries.  In the process of setting boundaries, I identify my needs.  I remember the first time my counselor asked me what I wanted.  I looked at him blankly.  I had no idea.  As I selected my rights and…

The ‘B’ word

Once you understand that you have rights to protect it is time to add Boundaries to the tool box.  You can review the page that I have on boundaries.  https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/coping/boundaries/ These are the books on Boundaries that my counselors suggested: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend http://store.cloudtownsend.com/boundaries-softcover-book.html http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454 This book is based…