Still in it

One of the hard things about being raised by a person the violates your boundaries on a daily basis is that you don’t realize when someone else is doing the same thing since it is what you are used to having happen.  Thanks to Jonsi and other internet friends I  became more aware.  In counseling, the effort and time was spent on how I reacted.  It was my blogger friends that pointed out that the other person was out of line.  Actually creeped me out the first time one of them posted a letter nasty from their mother.  I opened up my email from my mother and the letters were almost identical.  The accusations, the guilt trip, the blaming and shaming resonated in both letters.  We live in different parts of the country so I knew it was not a case of the mother’s copying each other.  I am going to share some links  that out line a narcissists way of operating.  Hard thing about interacting with a narcissists is their firm belief that they are right and you are wrong and nothing you do proves otherwise.

This blog shares 7 signs you might be in a relationship with a narcissists: http://www.sun-gazing.com/7-clear-signs-narcissist-trying-manipulate/

My response to this article.  http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2016/09/narcissits.html

The video shares the authors idea on how to combat the narcissists.  It is the same type of answer that DH gave me that left me furious.  The video says watch without absorbing and DH said don’t let her get inside your head.  If I knew how to do these, I wouldn’t have a problem.  Fortunately, my counselor gave me an answer I could learn to do.  Setting boundaries, defending my boundaries, and reducing my contact with the person that treated me poorly.  My counselor had me practice the appropriate response to their demands.  No.  Just no.  No is a complete sentence.  I was warned if I said anything else I would place myself in the position of being defensive.  No works.  I still forget to use No.  I keep practicing No.  I like No because it means I am saying yes to what I need for myself.  New concept for me.  Still working on it.  I like No.

The other part I learned was their criticism, put downs, and cruel words were not about me.  What they said told me more about them than actually reflected as to anything about me.  I started really listening to their words and discovered what was amiss in their life.  Not absorbing means I can hear their rants without me believing it has anything to do with me.  Not taking personal what spews out of their mouth is very freeing.  Step aside and let it sail by.  If I can’t do that then stay away as much as possible.  It is amazing how far away I can stay from someone close by.

 

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One thought on “Still in it

  1. Pingback: Flying Monkeys | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

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