I’m so glad they do. I never counted so carefully the days until the end of school. I’m exhausted. I did something WAY outside of my comfort zone. I was a part time substitute teacher for Fashion class. The students were awesome and I am wiped out. I chose to accept the principal’s request that I work as a substitute two days a week. I always wondered, “What if I became a teacher, like I wanted to?” Now, I know. I can be a teacher or I can have a life. Apparently, I do not have the energy to do both. DH (Darling Husband) came home a few weeks ago after a very long day at work. He saw me sitting on the couch. He asked what was for dinner. I told him anything he wanted to get. He asked me what I was having for dinner. I replied, “Anything you are willing to get me.” He looked for a minute. He observed, “You can’t get up can you?” Nope. My body went as far as it could go. When I sat down, my body was done. The fact that I was hungry and would like to eat didn’t matter. When my body quits like this, I am out of options. There is no just do it any way. My body literally won’t move. Sometimes I can’t even lift my arms. Now I know. I can either teach or have a life; I don’t have enough energy to do both. It is kind of nice to know that I can take this off my plate of ‘what ifs.’ I know.
Hard part is watching myself crash and burn. My health deteriorated. My sleeping went down. My house looks like it was ransacked in a robbery. Many dollars of food thrown away because I didn’t have enough energy to cook it before it went bad. I know this spiral downward well. I’ve done it more than once. Fortunately, I know the techniques, strategies, and helps I need to put back into place. I remind myself not to beat myself up over the spiral down. I know I will get going again. However, substitute teaching is now on my ‘NO’ list. I will not do this again.