All things come to an end

I’m so glad they do.  I never counted so carefully the days until the end of school.  I’m exhausted.  I did something WAY outside of my comfort zone.  I was a part time substitute teacher for Fashion class.  The students were awesome and I am wiped out.  I chose to accept the principal’s request that I work as a substitute two days a week.  I always wondered, “What if I became a teacher, like I wanted to?”  Now, I know.  I can be a teacher or I can have a life.  Apparently, I do not have the energy to do both.  DH (Darling Husband) came home a few weeks ago after a very long day at work.  He saw me sitting on the couch.  He asked what was for dinner.  I told him anything he wanted to get.  He asked me what I was having for dinner.  I replied, “Anything you are willing to get me.”  He looked for a minute.  He observed, “You can’t get up can you?”  Nope.  My body went as far as it could go.  When I sat down, my body was done.  The fact that I was hungry and would like to eat didn’t matter.  When my body quits like this, I am out of options.  There is no just do it any way.  My body literally won’t move.  Sometimes I can’t even lift my arms.  Now I know.  I can either teach or have a life; I don’t have enough energy to do both.  It is kind of nice to know that I can take this off my plate of ‘what ifs.’  I know.

Hard part is watching myself crash and burn.  My health deteriorated.  My sleeping went down.  My house looks like it was ransacked in a robbery.  Many dollars of food thrown away because I didn’t have enough energy to cook it before it went bad.  I know this spiral downward well.  I’ve done it more than once.  Fortunately, I know the techniques, strategies, and helps I need to put back into place.   I remind myself not to beat myself up over the spiral down.  I know I will get going again.  However, substitute teaching is now on my ‘NO’ list.  I will not do this again.



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