Negative Tape

My counselor commented that the things I say to myself are some of the worse things I’ve ever heard all compacted onto one short ugly tape, played every time I make a human mistake.  He pointed out that I would never say to someone else what I say to myself….

In Pavelka’s toolbox he called it The Little Me (gremlin)

If you notice that you have a little voice in your ear giving you a hard time and undermining your confidence, take charge – it may sound like a gremlin but it is actually just you yourself moaning away in your own ear. When you notice this happening, understand that it is The Little Me and physically swipe Little Me (gremlin) off your shoulder. Your thoughts will then be shifted and you can choose to think about something else.

Like gremlins, don’t feed them after midnight.  That is right the later I am awake the more demeaning and cruel the tape will become.  My sister and I talk often on how to silence that tape.  I’ve learned several things.  Let the tape play to the end and agree all along the way.  Add a few and recognize it is all words and no bite.  Many of the things said are lies.  Interesting thing as I attended counseling sessions I learned other ways to handle people situations and I am one of the people I am learning to handle.  The power of learning better ways to treat others, I also learn better ways to treat myself.  My counselor taught me that I can be the parent I deserve.  I haven’t silenced the negative tape but the volume is getting turned way down.  I like that.  This is a work in progress and every year I am noticing things get a little better.  Maybe I need to add a funky musical jingle to the negative tape to make it sound as silly as it really is.



2 thoughts on “Negative Tape

  1. The voice of our programming can be strong. I look at it as a virus that I have to continually run my anti-virus program in my mind, so I can catch any viruses trying to expand. I get it. I have active conversations. The programming: “You should be far more stable than you are.” Me: “Fuck off. I’m happy to even be alive.” I often curse at it. lol 💞💞

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