Reviewing my possible posts idea I came across yet another one talking about boundaries. The reason I keep coming back to boundaries is that many survivors with PTSD/CPTSD or just really odd coping skills show a definite lack of boundaries. I struggled with the concept. Listening to others talk about having boundaries and feeling so clueless was partly what motivated me to seek professional counseling. I felt like the people in the marriage class were talking a foreign language and discussing rights and customs that never crossed my path. I remember a neighbor taught me not to simply walk into someone else’s house. I was puzzled. They knew I was coming, why not?
Rather than just one list of signs of you might need boundaries if…..? I chose to share several lists with links back to their original articles. All the articles share information about boundaries. I was assigned books to read. Yup. Several books. Some of these will seem confusing and contradictory….be open but not too open. Share with others but not too much. Boundaries are tough to negotiate when you never had them in the first place.
- You fail to speak up when you’re treated badly
- You give away too much of your time
- You agree with a person when you actually feel like disagreeing
- You say “yes” to a person when you want to say “no”
- You feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself
- You feel taken for granted by others
- You permit people to touch you when you feel uncomfortable or want them to stop
- You have toxic relationships (i.e. you are always giving, and the other is always taking)
- You make too many grand sacrifices for others at your own expense
- You are passive aggressive and might have manipulative tendencies (as a way of trying to regain your lost power)
- You constantly feel like the victim
- You feel like you have to “earn” respect by being nice
- You over-share details about your life with others
- You feel guilty when others aren’t happy (as if you’re responsible)
- You are what other people want/need you to be, and not who YOU need to be
- You’re out of touch with your needs
- You attract people who try to control or dominate you
- You have chronic fear about what others think of you
12 Signs that you lack boundaries – https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/healthy-boundaries.htm
1. Your relationships tend to be difficult or dramatic.
2. You find decision making a real challenge.
3. You really, really hate to let other people down.
4. Two words – guilt and anxiety.
5. You are often tired for no apparent reason.
6. Your radar is off when it comes to sharing.
7. You are constantly the victim of situations.
8. You are a tiny bit annoyed most of the time.
9. You secretly feel that others don’t show you respect.
10. You might just be passive aggressive.
11. You often wonder who you really are.
12. Your secret fear is of being rejected or abandoned.
You are an open book:
You feel someone is walking all over you
You feel you have lost your voice
No one listens to you
You are suffering from depressed mood or anxiety
People use you or you feel used
You just feel awful