New way to view abuse

This is from Facebook.  I read it and reread it.  Then I put it in a draft on my blog to give me time to reconsider if this is helpful or discouraging.  It certainly made me think, a lot.

Awareness of childhood sexual abuse
“When we embrace the dirt of our lives, tapping into the raw experiences we’ve been planted in, surrounded by, and sometimes nearly buried under, the process of emergence turns those dark, seemingly decayed parts into the nutrients that nourish growth. We lose the struggle, judgement and the shame of a life spent trying to avoid, repress, or deny what is or has been and transmute everything into something useful and supportive, evolving the way nature intended.” ~ Derek Rydall

The way I am viewing this quote is the crap I was smothered in as a child can be changed into a fertilizer to encourage new growth.  I do believe that crap unattended stays just crap.  I believe I need to actively dig in and process all that garbage.  Garbage stays garbage until someone sees the vision of changing it into something else.  This website is built on my experience of dealing with truck loads of crap.  It buried me.  At times, I thought it would utterly destroy me.  My counselor threw me a life line.  He purposed that I have a choice to take my messed up life and rebuild it into something new or to lay down an wallow in my misery.  NEW CONCEPT…..I Had/HAVE a choice.  Every morning when I wake up I choose how to tackle the day.  Flashbacks still happen.  Body still tires.  Attitude is shifting, that makes all the difference.

Statistics provided online that 22 soldiers a day die by their own hand due to PTSD.  There are no statistics for other PTSD groups.  If someone tells you that PTSD is not life threatening tell them they are ignorant or lying.  If you have PTSD you are fighting for your life.  When I had cancer I immediately sought help from a surgeon.  I knew when I was a teenager that I responded differently then most people I knew yet doctors did blood test and told me there was nothing wrong with me.  Fast forward 30 years.  I finally went to marriage counseling because I was very aware that I wasn’t functioning well in our relationship.  Humbling to learn that my PTSD was making it almost impossible to learn new ways to function in a relationship.  I first needed to tear out my foundation of learning from toddler to teens.  The basic foundation of me as a person was riddled with lies and distortions.  I needed a professional counselor to start tearing out and processing all this crap.  Now Derek Rydall is proposing the idea I could use that ugly mess and make it the very thing I used to grow.  I’m not sure I am buying this.  However, it is making me reconsider and rethink my desperate desire to leave my past behind.  Unfortunately, my past still grabs me by the throat and shakes me like a rag doll.  I am not sure if Rydall realizes my monstrous past isn’t totally dead, yet.

 

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